k r i s t e n .

Why can’t I feel anything for anyone other than you?

Is it ever okay?

(Source: lovequotesrus)

Mixed Emotions.

That’s probably the best way to describe how I’ve been feeling lately.

My trip to NYC with Brian went AMAZING!!! I honestly could not have pictured a more perfect trip (aside from my extremely sore feet and limp that i developed lol). We had a great time and the connection between us definitely grew immensely! During the trip, he told me countless times that I make him happy, he told me that he likes me, and he even told people I was his girlfriend (I guess to make things easier?). Anyways, it all sounds amazing right? Right. Well since the trip things have been a tiny bit different, but its bothering me a hell of a lot.

Just to clear things up, I haven’t done “this” kinda thing since I was 15 and starting things off with my ex. Things definitely could have changed since then and I just like I really don’t know how this kinda stuff works anymore. Brian and I have not really had a single talk about what we are. We haven’t established any boundaries, we haven’t expressed any real feelings, and we definitely haven’t discussed where we see things going with us. So my question is, in present day, does someone ask the other person out? Or is entering a serious relationship just an unsaid thing that you both just.. “know” ?! The way that Brian and I are, its like we are dating.. its like everything I had with my ex but a lot better, just for now without the titles and the conversations about what we actually are. Anyways, I feel like we’ve been seeing each other for long enough that something should have come up by now, but maybe he’s doing the same thing I’m doing. Maybe he’s just waiting for me to be the one to bring things up. I guess with that thought I probably should. We definitely have to have a talk about where things can potentially go with us.

BUT.. there is a reason that I am somewhat hesitant to have that talk with him. Well of course I’m so worried that he will end things with us if he feels its too much pressure or something, but there is something else. Since the trip he’s kinda stopped texting me. Like the odd time he’ll message me asking about my day, but if I ever text him first he does not answer until the next day with some excuse about why he couldn’t text back the night before, which is totally untrue because it literally takes like 15 seconds to send a text back. Even if he’s busy it would be nice if he could respond and just be like hey I’m busy right now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.. just so I know that he has actually acknowledged the fact that I was trying to talk to him. Its weird because in person everything is completely amazing with us.. but this whole not texting me and making excuses the next day thing is really starting to bother me. I’m not sure if the realization that he’s moving in 4 months is kicking in, so he’s trying to distance himself before things get too serious.. or maybe he really just isn’t that interested. Either way, I just wish he’d talk to me about it, but I don’t see that happening. I guess I’m going to have to step it up and bring up the conversation myself! Its his birthday this week, so I’m not going to spring it on him this week, but soon enough. If anyone actually reads these… I’m curious, how would you approach the conversation if you were in my shoes?

I need to tell you something. You were right, in a way. I should’ve been able to say what I wanted to. I’m in love with you. I always have been. I thought you were the unfair one, but it was unfair of me not to say it. So, I’ve said it. I was nothing. I felt like nothing. Listen. You changed that.

(Source: valyrianstark)